I feel like I’m having one of those minor mid-college crises that people talk about. The pressure is on. How on earth am I supposed to know what I want to do with the rest of my life at 20… How am i supposed to choose the direction my life is going to take at such a young age. Pharmacy sounded so great when I was finishing up high school and looking for majors. Pharmacy was a way that I could incorporate my love for science and nerdy things and help people too. (not to mention the job pays well). Now, I am in my third year of school and finding that this may not be the place for me. I’m finding that pharmacists are really just robots. They do what they are told to do by the doctor, and don’t really have much say in the patient’s life. I have yet to meet that one pharmacist that is going to inspire me to be the best pharmacist I can be when I’m licensed. It’s like they don’t exist. Most of the people I’ve had experience with are lazy, rude, or just expect the students to do their job for them.
I want to be the pharmacist that has everything together. Someone that doesn’t get frustrated when asked a question, but super willing to help. Someone who teaches patients how to use their medications in ways that they can understand. Someone who doesn’t get pissed at the doctor for being rude, but is persistent in forming a relationship with him/her to benefit the patient. Someone who influences students to prosper in school and encourage them that everything is going to be ok.
I’m so sick of being pressured to get A’s… all I do is study. This year has gotten to the point where I have gotten A’s on every test I’ve taken and every paper I’ve written this week, and its not exciting or rewarding. It feels more like a chore that I completed if anything. I even got over 100% on a biochemistry exam. Biochem. And I was excited for a few minutes, and then just scared. I should not be spending so much time studying that i get over 100% on an exam. I should be investing in people.
I want to do something that satisfies me and I’m finding that those grades are just letters. They are not what is important. My goal is to thrive in this world by impacting people by my kindness, my generous heart, my loving smile, and encouraging spirit.
I’m too far in pharmacy school to quit, so I am just going to have to make it fun on my own.
Now all I need is some confidence…